Directed By - David Fincher
Directed By - Daniel Barnz
Starring - Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer, Peter Krause & Mary Kate Olsen
Date Vanessa's Heart Closes - March 18th, 2011.
Get ready for the most vomit-inducing trailer since "Alvin And The Chipmunks."
Clear your desk of paperwork and any office supplies that might melt if spattered with digestive juices. Enjoy.
Love is not only ugly; it's scarred, deformed, eyebrow-less, a tad femme and a major Cure fan.
I'm not saying these two couldn't be together, but it would require a solid plan, a large amount of duct tape and a warehouse rented under a false name.
Directed By - Nanette Burstein
GOING THE DISTANCE
Starring - Drew Barrymore, Justin Long & Christina Applegate
Falling Short - August 27th, 2010
"A Comedy About Meeting Each Other Halfway" - What a great tagline.
Who can't relate to the give and take needed to make a relationship work?
So... why is he carrying her?
If he's really a Mac, shouldn't everything just work?
Still... in a rocky relationship you'd worry less if you knew your guy couldn't get viruses.
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
Starring - Rooney Mara, Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgard & Robin Wright.
Date Book Or Subtitles No Longer Need To Be Read - December 21st, 2011.
Although an early design, it's clear the target audience are moviegoers aged 20-30 who shop at American Apparel.
"Evil Shall With Evil Be Expelled" makes no sense... unless they're referring to the entire "remake genre."
I guess this answers the question, "How do you sell a character wary of men, unwilling to be possessed, and wholly resistant to sexual objectification."
Directed By - Joe Wright
Starring - Kiera Knightley, Jude Law & Aaron Johnston
Steam-Driven Metaphor Arrives - November 9th, 2012
"You Can't Ask Why About Love" - would be an awesome tagline for a movie where Keira Knightley falls for a mildly-retarded, street-vendor named Dennis. Seems a bit out of place for Tolstoy.
A request to locate the home close to public transportation, results in a house built in the center of a commercial railroad track.
A design choice that mirrors the immense aspirations and tragic limitations of Communism.
Russian Feng Shui is more practical than spiritual. This furniture has been carefully arranged in a style known as "готовый гореть" which loosely translates as "ready for burning."
Directed By - Paul W.S. Anderson
RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION
Starring - Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Sienna Guillory & Bingbing Li.
Critical Retribution Begins On - September 14th, 2012.
With millions of dollars at stake, studios exert tight control over every aspect of a film's marketing campaign.
Click to see the adjustments made for the Asian market.
When you show up for combat in a post-apocalyptic environment wearing a red evening dress you're either a narcissistic, insensitive bitch or a danger to yourself and others.
After 4 movies what the hell are they fighting for anyway. Isn't there enough ash and rubble for everyone?
Directed By - Michael Bay
TRANSFORMERS - AGE OF EXTINCTION
Starring - Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor & Stanley Tucci.
Extinction Scheduled For - June 27th, 2014
What the hell are they doing back on earth...This is the fourth time.
Did they leave a pair of shoes here?
If you’re trying to kill someone,
don’t show up as a gigantic, spiny, soul-less intergalactic trash hauler.
A few splashes of red and blue paint and you look like one of the good guys.
Wahlberg would be standing on the front porch waving.
Even sophisticated alien scanning technology can’t tell the difference between
Mark Wahlberg and a vacant, three bedroom country home.